You Don’t Have To Be Perfect: Part 2
You don’t have to be perfect. It was a hard lesson for me to learn 5 years ago, and I’m realizing that in some ways I’m still figuring it out. I’m a long way from where I was when I wrote that first piece (read it here), but I’m still a long way from actually having it figured out.
According to Wikipedia, perfectionism is a “personality trait characterized by a person’s concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection and is accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.”
For most of my life, I would have considered myself a perfectionist. I was always putting in the extra effort to be the best. I was often labeled an overachiever because I always went above and beyond what was actually expected. Mainly because, what I expected from myself was above and beyond what anyone else was actually expecting.
Up until I graduated college, majority of my life revolved around school, and in that setting, my perfectionist tendencies were praised. I thrived there because in a sense, perfection was actually attainable in the form of an A+. Anytime I was given a test or handed a rubric, I knew exactly what was necessary to achieve that “perfection.” And the same was true in the sewing world. Whenever I won a competition, I viewed it as a form of perfection and so again, my perfectionism was getting me recognition and praise. I saw it as a good thing.
Looking back, I can see that at the time, I truly didn’t know any different. I legitimately did not know how to be lazy on a project or be an underachiever. Never in my life had I ever performed averagely on an assignment, because average was never good enough. I didn’t want to be average, I wanted to be perfect. (Except in gym class, that was the one place where I knew perfectionism was impossible so I never even tried.)
But that’s not how the real world works. In the real world, there’s no perfect score; there’s no rubric to tell you exactly what you need to do; there’s no achievable level of “perfection.” And when that reality crashed into me during my senior year of college, it rocked my world and sent me spiraling. It took me a long time to release myself from the self-expectation of over achieving perfection. I had to retrain my mind to believe that sometimes, simply done is good enough and overdone is unnecessary.
And for a while, I thought I was doing pretty good. I thought that simply releasing myself from those expectations was all I had to do and then I could go back to living my life as normal. Except that now, since I wasn’t striving for perfection, I ended up not striving at all. In my effort to stop overachieving all the time, I actually stopped working hard and stopped trying my best. I was suddenly “average” and there was a part of me that liked it. “Average” achievement is so much easier than overachievement. It takes way less time and effort and I reasoned that if perfection wasn’t achievable and didn’t really matter, why bother trying so hard. I turned apathetic in many areas of my life because I stopped believing they were worth so much of my effort and care.
What I didn’t realize though, was that I was actually sacrificing some of my best qualities. When I was always pursuing “perfection,” I was doing so by hard work. I was diligent. I was driven. I was disciplined. I was producing excellent work because I wasn’t satisfied with anything less. I was appreciated for my hardworking attitude and my attention to detail, but I didn’t know how to be anything less.
When I said goodbye to perfectionism, I accidentally said goodbye to all those other good qualities too.
Perfectionism is overcome by grace. Grace for ourselves to not expect perfection. Grace to allow for mistakes. Grace for flaws to exist. And also, God’s grace for us. He doesn’t expect perfection from us either. He knows we’re not capable. Only one man ever was and He was God’s own Son. Grace is key, but it’s not a free pass to quit stiving.
You see, while God may not call us to perfection, He does call us to excellence and hard work. The example is given in Proverbs, “Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men.” And in Colossians, He tells us that in “whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” That type of work still requires diligence and excellence.
The last time I wrote about perfectionism, I made the point that imperfection does not equal failure. Which is still 100% true. But on the flipside, EXCELLENCE DOES NOT EQUAL PERFECTION. You can pursue excellence without pursuing perfection. Pursing excellence still requires hard work, just maybe not quite as much. It still requires diligence, discipline, and drive, except now there’s an understanding that there has to be balance as well. Pursuing excellence still includes an attention to detail, but it also includes discernment to know when those details don’t actually matter. Pursuing excellence is actually BETTER than pursuing perfection. Its healthier. Its more freeing. Its not debilitating. Because its actually attainable.
So if you’re like me, a self-proclaimed perfectionist struggling to figure out how to release yourself from those expectations, then this is for you: Don’t settle for average. “Average” may fit in better, it may keep you from getting labeled as an overachiever, but average is not what you are called to. You are called to excellence. WE are called to excellence. Just not perfection.
So keep trying. Be diligent. Be disciplined. Keep striving to do your best. Just know that while your best will not be perfect, it can still be excellent and that excellence is better.
That excellence is the goal.
