Fully Known and Fully Loved
“Fully known and fully loved.” This is a phrase that has been repeating in my life lately. Usually because I DON’T feel it.
We all long to be loved. And deep down, I think we all realize that if people don’t know the real us, they can’t love the real us. Pastor Timothy Ateek puts it this way, “If you’re only partially known, you can’t be fully loved.” In other words, you can only be loved to the extent that you are known.
It’s a pretty simple concept really. Take ice cream for example. I can say I really love ice cream and say that it’s my favorite food, but if I’ve only ever eaten one flavor from one ice cream shop, you might question how much I truly love ice cream. How fully can you love something when you’ve only experienced such a miniscule part of what it has to offer? You can’t! It’s very possible that I truly love that particular flavor from that particular shop, but I can’t fully love ice cream until I’ve tasted a lot more than just that! (Don’t worry, this is just an example, I really truly do love ice cream and I have tasted countless flavors from countless ice cream shops!)
But it works the same way for us. The more fully you are known, the more fully you can be loved.
And none of this can happen without being in relationship with others.
You see, we as humans are designed to be in relationship. Deep and intimate relationship. And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships. I’m talking about friendships and family and mentorship too. I’m talking about the kind of relationship where you know what makes each other tick, you know how the deep struggles go and you know what brings the most joy.
Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 says that “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” We are designed to be in relationship with people who will work with us to get the job done, who will help us up when we fall, even if we fall to rock bottom. We need people who will stick with us when life gets cold and we can’t survive on our own. When the Enemy attacks, we need people who will stand with us and fight. This requires deep and intimate relationship.
This is why it’s so important to surround yourself with the right kind of people. This kind of relationship doesn’t just happen. You have to MAKE IT HAPPEN. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes vulnerability. But it’s so worth it.
Because the more fully you allow yourself to be known by others, the more you open yourself up to being fully loved.
Remember, people can only love the part of you that you show them. If you only show them the shiny Instagram worthy life, the part of you that is always fine and always has it all together, they can only ever love that part of you. You’ll constantly be left wondering, “If I show them the real me, will they still love me?”
This was my approach to friendship for years! I never opened up and let people into my struggles and hurts. Being vulnerable was scary and I had decided it would simply be easier to keep them at arm’s length. Even with my closest friends, I would only let in so far; some parts of me were kept locked up tight and I had thrown away the key!
The problem was, this was actually a stressful way to live! I was left constantly questioning their love for me, and some of these people I’ve known almost my entire life! I knew they were my friends and I knew they loved me, but I knew that there were parts of me that they didn’t know. I knew I could not be fully loved by them because I was not fully known by them.
So I made a change. I dug out that key and unlocked the parts of me that I had never shown anybody else. And it was hard. Sometimes I cried, and in those moments, I hated my choice to let them in. But it was so worth it. My life is so much healthier now! (I’m not saying go dump all your junk on everyone you meet; that’s a pretty terrible idea. Choose your people wisely. You only need a few at that level and they need to be people who can truly be trusted with those parts of you, who will be the kind of friend that Solomon talks about in Ecclesiastes.)
Fully known and fully loved.
That phrase was still nagging at me though. I still didn’t really feel it. That shameful thought of “if they really knew me, they wouldn’t really love me” still ran through my head. Even after totally opening up, I still didn’t feel really, truly, fully known or loved.
And then I realized it’s because I wasn’t. At least not by my friends.
You see, as vitally important as it is to have those types of relationships in our lives, they aren’t the only kind of deep and intimate relationships we were designed to have. God designed us to have a deep and intimate relationship with Him too.
When God created humans, He said “it is not good for man to be alone.” He designed us to be in relationship with others. But He also intended for us to walk with and dwell closely with Him. And initially humans did! They walked with Him and they talked with Him! How cool is that?! But at the fall, that relationship changed. Outside of the garden, everything was different.
Outside of the garden, we don’t walk with Him like that. Outside of the garden, some of that deep intimacy is missing. Outside of the garden, the parts of us that God intended to fill with Himself are left lacking or even empty because of the broken relationship, and we’re left searching, often in the wrong places.
Now growing up in church, I always heard that God loved me and that He knew me, even to the number of hairs on my head. And I believed it! I know it’s true, but it was just head knowledge. It hadn’t truly transferred into my heart and hadn’t really changed how I lived my life. Until it did.
Fully known and fully loved.
All the sudden it clicked. God helped me to grasp what that truly meant. That I was fully known BY HIM. And I was fully loved BY HIM. He really truly actually knew all the deepest parts of me that I had kept locked up and hidden for so long. All my thoughts. All my desires. All my struggles. All my sins. All of my heart. He fully knew it AND He still fully loved me. That “and” is HUGE!! Even our dearest and closest friends can’t do that. Not 100%. Not like God does.
God knew all the sins I would struggle with. God knew all the things I would put above Him in my life. God knew all the times I would break His heart. And He CHOSE to love me anyway. In spite of it all, He still chose to fully love me. And He proved it by dying for me!
God knew that outside of the garden, we would go about life all wrong. He knew that there was no way we could survive on our own, much less mend the broken relationship between us, so He took it upon Himself to choose us and love us anyway. He does what no human ever can, He fully knows us and fully loves us.
Once I grasped that, it changed everything, including my friendships. I don’t have to question anyone’s love for me anymore because I can truly trust His love. I don’t expect any person to fully know or fully love me because God already does and that’s enough for me. I still open up to my close friends because I still know that I was designed to live that way, but I don’t look to them to fill the empty parts that God intended to fill with Himself.
Fully known and fully loved.
People can only love us to the extent that we allow them to know us, but God ALREADY fully knows us and He STILL fully loves us.
